


Dr Holmes

by wifeofstark



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Agent AU, During the events of CAWS, Failing relationship, M/M, Secret Identity, Stephen and Everett friendship duhh, Stephen works for shield, books because books are rad, but i switched stuff around so its taking place after Ultron, me pretending to know Washington DC for 10 chapters, snapshot chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:02:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25118830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wifeofstark/pseuds/wifeofstark
Summary: Dispatched by Shield to keep an eye on Captain Rogers, Stephen Strange becomes Loren Holmes.He also becomes a support for Tony Stark as he grapples with a relationship on the edge.10 encounters are all they need to tip the balance of things.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Tony Stark/Stephen Strange
Comments: 56
Kudos: 144





	1. Respect

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome backk. This story is a series of snapshots more than a series of chapters so maybe I'll make it into a daily series? Or every two days.

"Dr Loren Holmes? Seriously? You couldn't have used Dr Fake Name?" Stephen looks up from his file at the mildly amused Director. The name sounds like something out of romantic literature, and Doyle. 

"Don't look at me, we had Everett pick it"

"Why?" Of course Everett wouldn't pass up an opportunity to give him such a goofy name, he'd do the same. 

Fury turns onto Connecticut Avenue. He's a very careful driver, always using indicators and never taking brash turns. It could be how he is or it could be that he's being mindful of Stephen, knowing about his thing with cars. 

It used to be much worse, he couldn't even get into a car before. A Shield agent is nothing if they can't participate in a good car chase though, so he was trained out of it. Now it just makes him feel ill.

"He knows you better than anyone else, and he said this name suits you. I have to agree"

Stephen echoes the name in his head. Loren Holmes. He can see how he might look like a Loren. He's not so sure about Holmes though. 

"He's just taking the piss because I'm a 'smartass'" 

Fury snorts, "I don't know why you said it like that, you are" 

"I guess it's fine, Rogers still isn't completely used to the future, he'll just think it's a weird modern name" he says as he continues absorbing the details in the file. Apparently Loren's parents are dead too, and his brother Ben lives in London. 

"Exactly. Plus, it's unlikely you'll have to ever interact with him, just keep an eye out"

"Right, I'm the babysitter nextdoor" he sighs, looking out at the shops they pass. It's odd to be working away from New York, so much of his life has been anchored to the city. 

Fury side eyes him with a concerned look. "That sounds like the title of a romcom" 

"Don't worry I won't fall in love with Rogers and grapple with my duality" he says dramatically. Rogers seems like the type of person who would get on his nerves anyway. 

"You better not, he's too upstanding to cheat and you didn't look like you can handle rejection"

During his research Stephen found many articles and photos speculating the Captains relationship status. It seems to be between Black Widow and Tony Stark, the two people he's most often been photographed with. Stephen figured he's probably single and tabloids just wanted a story, but Fury's just said it, the guy actually is dating someone. 

"Oh how you wound me sir"

Fury chuckles as he parks in front of a shoe shop, "I will if you screw this up Strange" 

"How could I? Thanks for the ride, take it easy" When he steps out of the car he hears a very amused snort. Of course Fury couldn't take it easy even if he wanted to, not with things the way they are.

The apartment building is nice. It's on the corner and has retained its original architecture, cream stone and burgundy walls. 

Stephen secures his bag on his shoulder and crosses the road to the building. When he jogs up the stairs and gets through the front door there's luckily nobody in the lobby to see him. One of the mailboxes on the wall says Dr Holmes on it already, replacing whatever Carter's cover name was. 

He quickly goes up the darkwood stairs of the building, to the top floor. It only hosts two apartments, his and Rogers'. 

He's already seen pictures of Steve's appartement in a briefing and his one looks fairly similar. It hosts the same layout; two large shelves dividing the apartment into kitchen and living room. It's also homey and vintage, with wooden floors, a fireplace, and rectangular windows. He's not used to the new look, more accustomed to shiny floors and modern furniture. 

Unlike where Stephen actually lives the place has character. The bookshelves hold an impressive amount of books, old and new, heavy and light. All planted of course. They did request Stephen list them a few books he's read, so in the case somebody does visit, Loren can actually talk about a few things on his shelves. 

In the living room they've set up a tv that looks well under what Loren could afford, but as the file says he's not into tv, so he hasn't cared to replace it. 

What the man has splurged on is a very high quality record player that Stephen definitely plans to steal when the job is over. 

Behind the player, on the shelf, are a row of records. Again some of them are ones Stephen actually owns, in case Rogers tests his knowledge for whatever reason.

Under one of the windows they've placed a piano, something Stephen didn't actually ask for or suggest. It's a Yamaha electric piano, disguised as more than it is with its dark wooden body and heavy keys. When he pushes a key the sound that comes from the machine is pretty good. He wishes he could play like he used to. 

According to Lorens file he and his brother are thick as thieves, and that's reflected by the picture of him and an actor on the shelf, arms around each other and mid laughter. Shield did well, they actually found someone that looks like him, arguably too much, more than Victor did. 

He drops his bag by the couch and flops down, hoping to absorb his surroundings and that way get used to them.

He's lucky, the job is basically a holiday. All he has to do is protect the Captain and pretend to go to work at Georgetown University three times a week. Which really means do nothing, then do nothing. Afterall it seems redundant to protect Captain America and he's not actually teaching. 

He'll have to give himself things to do, he could teach his fingers how to play compositions on a piano again, and maybe make use of the big kitchen to actually build some cooking skills. Reading is a given, and he has plenty of books to chose from. 

Stephen pushes off the couch with the decision to play a record when he hears a motorcycle. He was told Steve rides one. 

His guess is confirmed when he hears the stairs creaking, and keys, and a door closing. 

Since Fury actually has some respect for the Captain there wasn't a camera implanted in his apartment, but if Stephen were to unhook his thermostat from the wall he would find a button that allows him to listen to the goings on of his neighbour. 

It's not necessary though, he's only here to protect Steve in the occasion that he's in danger. 

Nobody's told Stephen what he's in danger of, it's likely the same thing that has the director looking over his shoulder a bit more than usual. But if there's anything he's learned at Shield is that secrets run like streams, constant and unending. 

Masks and lies weren't supposed to be his world. He joined Shield as a consultant and he still struggles to understand how he's ended up as 'Agent 177'.

Regardless, Shield helped him when he was on the edge. They gave him an opportunity to show himself more than anyone else that he's still worth something after the accident. 

His life as a surgeon ended. Now lives a second one, as an agent. 

And this second life has him taking on a new skin, as Dr Loren Holmes, professor at Georgetown. 

-

As he walks to work the next morning he regrets not putting on that belstaff coat Everett gifted him. It's that perfectly annoying time of year when mornings and nights are cold but days are hot, it's hard to know what to wear. 

The school is clean, with a well curated green space and a main building made of the same colours as the apartment building. He looks forward to seeing the library, where he'll actually be spending his work hours. 

And so goes his first shift, he swipes in with his teacher ID and finds a quiet corner in the library to spend five hours reading in a suit and tie.

A suit and tie he really regrets when he's on his way back to the appartement. The sun's beating on his shoulders as he walks down the wide Washington streets. Slipping inside a grocery store relieves him of the suffering. 

With two bags of groceries and a bottle of ice tea he continues on his journey to get out of the heat. Understandably he gets some weird looks, if a man can afford a nice suit he should be driving not walking down the street trying not to drop his jacket and bags.

He doesn't mind though, in fact he's starting to enjoy living like a regular person. When he was a surgeon he thought he was more than a man and he lived that way, with expensive objects and taking every chance to show off. After that he went to shield where his life's been government affairs and long nights with headphones over his ears as he shoots targets. Going to a normal job and buying groceries to take back to his quiet apartement where he can do nothing is new and interesting. 

Stephen takes his time on the stairs, not feeling like chasing a rogue orange or causing someone to slip on olive oil if he drops his stuff. 

He's so focused on the task he almost doesn't notice the man sat in the hall. Fresh red and white sneakers catch his eye first, then the rest. The guy has his head on his knees and his hands in his hair like a man at his wits end. Stephen knows what a fallen man looks like from personal experience. 

Alerted to his presence, the man leans back against the wall and rests his head on it, peering up at him. He looks like he's fighting to hold back tears.

He also looks like Tony Stark. 

"Who are you?" 

"Dr Holmes, I uh live here" he replies, nodding to his door. 

The guy, who he's sure is Tony Stark, nods slowly. "With a name like that maybe you can tell me what to do if my partners lost all respect for me"

The look on his face is so vulnerable, Stephens lost for words. "I'm… not a psychiatrist" 

Stark sighs and tips his head so he's staring at the wall. "I was hoping you might have superior deduction skills" 

"Well the deduction skills I do have tell me that you're dating my neighbour and that it's not going very well for you" Stephens realising his words as he says them. Rogers and Stark are dating. Rogers and Stark are having some serious issues. It's hard to imagine two people as remarkable as them having any problems other than alien invasions. 

"Wow you're a genius" Stark breathes sarcastically. He has big eyes, big shiny eyes with tired skin under them.

"Can I- can I help you? Get you a drink or something?" He asks, because he's not sure what to say to Tony Stark. 

He's not surprised to see him, he was warned in the briefings that he might, and the records under his cover identity were reinforced more than usual incase the tech giant ever decides to look him up. 

What he is surprised about is that they've met like they have. Stephen's sweaty and has his hands full and Tony Stark is sitting on the floor, a broken man. And they're having a real conversation, not one with press smiles and meaningless exchanges. 

"You got any whiskey?"

"I don't know, did you drive here?" He didn't see any flashy cars parked outside but even if he came in his Iron Man suit Stephen figures it's just as dangerous to fly under the influence. 

"You lack faith in me doctor, maybe I could patch things up and stay the night" he says, his smile empty as he gestures to Steve's door. 

"Could you?" 

Stark lets out a depreciating laugh and disturbs his hair even further. "I've been trying for weeks" 

Stephen puts all his crap on the floor and sits adjacent to him. "You are Tony Stark right? I don't really understand why you'd struggle to gain people's respect" 

Tony Stark is supposed to be larger than life, he's supposed to pull the attention of any room he enters, he's Iron Man. 

Or so he was led to believe. What he's seeing is only a man, a man sunken in defeat. 

"You'd think that wouldn't you? I couldn't name one person in my life that actually does" 

He's not sure if it's Stark's expression or his words, or both, but it pains him to hear something so sad. It's been a long time since he's felt bad for another person. 

"Well you have to ask yourself why that is"

"It's who I am. I guess that means my relationship is doomed" he shrugs and drops his hands on his knees. 

"And are you okay with that?" 

Stark looks offended at the implication that he would be, "No not really" 

"Well you'll have to find a solution to this. I have to say, I don't know what more you can do" the guy flew a nuke into a portal in the sky. He would imagine that's enough to warrant respect.

"The reason I'm in this problem is that I did too much, and it blew up in our faces" 

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions" Stephen sighs. He knows Stark is referring to Ultron. At first he thought it was a stupid decision brought by overambition but Fury told him why Tony really built Ultron, and he respects that he tried to protect the Earth from something humans couldn't. 

Stark looks longingly at Rogers door. "If only he understood they were good intentions"

"Are you saying he doesn't trust you either? Because that's a much bigger problem"

Stark keeps staring at that door.

"What happened to the nurse?" 

Stephen blinks at the change in topic. "The one that used to live here? I've replaced her"

"Oh nice, I think she had a crush on my guy actually" 

That makes him laugh. When he gets back to Shield he'll be sure to tease Sharon about it. "Don't worry I won't be batting my lashes at him" 

Stark pushes himself up to standing and brushes off his slacks. "Well I should go be miserable and productive"

Stephen stands too. Tony's shorter than he seems in video, the detail makes him smile. "Okay, I hope I helped"

Tony thinks for a moment, "You know what, you did a bit. See you around Doctor, I'll be sending you an NDA. I was never here" 

He opens the window behind him and throws back a wink before climbing through it.

Wondering if he just fell to his death, Stephen steps over to the window and leans out of it. He catches Tony's sneakers as he takes the last metal steps up to the roof. 

Then a familiar sound, and he watches a blur of red and gold shoot above him and into the blue Washington sky. 

So much for a normal evening.


	2. Acknowledgement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letting Tony in was a mistake, he's sure. But kicking him out is just criminal. 
> 
> He'll sink with his boat.

"Everett I have a bone to pick with you" Stephen says once he's put his tray of sweet potato in the oven. 

When he mentioned his resolution to expand his cooking skills outside microwave rice and spaghetti Everett insisted they have a cook off. Stephen did point out that if they don't have the same person tasting their food it's hardly a competition but followed along anyway. So they're both making chicken and sweet potato with a salad to accompany. 

Everett grins stupidly at him through his phone screen. "I know, bring it"

He braces his hands on the black counter and glares at his friend, "Loren Holmes? Really?" 

"It's all part of my evil plan to turn you into Sherlock Holmes" he replies, casually inspecting a tomato.

"I noticed. I read Study in Scarlett by the way" He sighs, going back to the food.

"And?" 

"I expected more" The adventure was too flat for him. 

"It's about your life, it's your fault if it's not exciting enough"

Stephen waves his knife accusingly at his phone, "My life is exciting I'll have you know, I met Tony Stark yesterday"

Everett whistles. "That was quick. He's not onto you is he?" 

"No he wasn't here to see me" he says, taking care to cut his tomato. One jitter could be the end of his fingertips. 

"Is that so?" 

"It's not my place to say" honestly he's shocked the public doesn't know Rogers and Stark are an item. Then again, with the way they are they probably don't go out on dates a lot. As he looks for olives Stephen wonders if they're an affectionate or private couple, or were. 

Everett doesn't press, "What's he like?"

"Surprisingly human"

That gets a laugh, "I'd hope he's not actually made of iron" 

Stephen hears something, something other than Everett and the humm of the oven. When he focuses on it he realises it's muffled voices, loud ones, coming from Steve's appartement. 

Whatever is going on in there sounds heated, so to be cautious he opens his cleaning cupboard and retrieves the gun in there.

"Hey you alright?" 

"Somethings going on in his apartment. I'll call you back" he hangs up the FaceTime and walks slowly to the door. 

All the while the yelling persists, and when there's a crash, breaking glass. He quickly gets out into the hall and nears Steve's door, gun behind his back. 

The door swings open and out stomps Tony Stark. He slams the door behind him and Stephen quickly stuffs the gun in his waistband, exhaling the tension in his chest.

"What happened?" 

Tony raises his hands to grip hard at nothing, "I… this is killing me"

"Do you… do you want to come in?" He has no idea what he's doing, voluntarily inviting Tony Stark into a space that might hold incriminating evidence if he decides to look hard enough. 

Tony exhales and all the tension in his body melts with it. "Yeah why not" 

Stephen steps back and signals for Tony to go first, overly aware of the gun at his spine. 

"Hey are you alright? I heard something break" he asks, taking advantage of Tony's interest in his books to lift up a couch cushion and leave the weapon under it. 

"Yeah, I knocked over a lamp on my way out"

Stephen narrows his eyes at that. He could be defending Steve. "What were you arguing about?"

Tony has his back to him but his shoulders are enough to indicate discomfort. "Can we talk about something else?" 

"Yeah, are you working in DC?"

"Partly. I had a meeting at the White House this morning" he says as his fingers dance over a dictionary and Atlas. 

That explains why he's wearing an even nicer suit than he was the last time they saw each other. It's navy and pinstriped, with a shirt white enough to draw the eye. And the shoes.

"You wore sneakers to the White House?" They're pink with white soles. Stephen's sure they're very expensive but they're still sneakers and Tony decided they would be appropriate for presidential ground. 

He turns and gives Stephen an inquiring look, like his question is strange somehow. "Of course. What are they gonna do? Tell me to go home and change?" 

That makes him smile. It's something that nobody but Tony Stark could say, it's wearing his status like a glove.

"Is this your brother?" He asks, picking up the picture of him and the man Stephen forgets the name of. They met very briefly. 

"Yeah his name is Ben. Don't let the picture fool you, he's the most serious guy in the world" he says, making sure he smiles the way people do when they talk about someone close to them.

"What made him laugh then?"

"Our friend taking the picture kept backing up and almost got hit by a bicycle" he says, chuckling more at his alarmingly impressive ability to lie than at the words themselves. 

"Well the two of you are clearly equally amused by the misfortune of your friends" Tony observes, smirking as he puts the picture back how he found it. 

"Yeah we are awful people, it's what ties us together" he thinks of Everett when he says that. Everett is definitely more awful than he is though. 

"You can't be that bad, no one that owns Wind in the Willows could possibly be awful" 

"Maybe I see myself in Mr Toad" he finds that's not really a lie, they are both reckless drivers. Toad was just more lucky than him. 

Tony looks at him thoughtfully. "Yeah I sense a likeness" 

Stephen glares but can't help but break into a smile. He always appreciates when people aren't afraid to dish it out.

Something claims Tony's attention, "I smell something? Are you cooking?" 

"Well I'm trying. It's a goal I set for myself" he explains sheepishly. 

Tony takes off his blazer and tosses it over the couch before striding into the kitchen, "Let me help you, what are you making?" 

"I have sweet potato in the oven and I need to make a salad, and chicken. Do you cook?" He asks as he follows. He's not sure what's happening. Tony Stark is in his kitchen and wants to help him cook. It makes no sense.

"When I have time" he says, squatting down to look at the potato in the oven. Seeming satisfied, he ensures his rolled sleeves are secure and goes to the sink to wash his hands.

Stephen feels like he's witnessing something he shouldn't. Knowing what Tony Stark looks like as he familiarises himself with a kitchen seems like something that should be thoroughly earned, or payed for.

He hasn't even asked himself why Tony's doing it. He probably needs a distraction. 

"So what kind of doctor are you? I'm guessing brain related" Tony asks as he cuts Stephen's tomato slices in half. He did chop them thick. 

"Well I was a neurosurgeon, now I teach neuroscience" he explains, getting a pan on the hob and pouring oil in it. 

"And? Which do you prefer?" 

He doesn't have to think about it. "Being a surgeon, for sure. But I needed this transition"

He definitely needed It. He looks back at himself and he sees an arrogant manchild, if only a life altering accident hadn't caused his awakening. 

As Tony fleshes out the salad Stephen begins to fry the chicken. He's yet to master baking it without drying it out. 

Logically the two of them are strangers engaged in an unlikely task, but it feels normal. Tony gives him tips here and there, tipping the pan to avoid getting splashed by hot oil, always using garlic because apparently it's very important, and so on. The kitchen is spacious so they barely get in each others way, not that Tony seems bothered by proximity, casually reaching around Stephen for salt. 

"You know I make a mean pasta bake" Tony informs him when he asks what the man cooks, "and stir fry" 

"Sure you do" Stephen teases as he takes the bronzed potato out of the oven. It smells great. 

That earns him a poke in the shoulder, with the butt of the knife not the blade thankfully. "Who do you take me for? Despite popular belief I don't actually live off coffee" 

"I actually just thought you had a personal chef"

"On and off. Hey do you want me to… step out?" He asks, pointing over his shoulder at the door. 

"Wow. Do you really peg me as the type to let a man help me cook then kick him out? Go sit down" He shews Tony to the table and the guy manages to snatch up the salad bowl before he goes. 

Letting Tony in was a mistake, he's sure. But kicking him out at this point is just criminal, he'll sink with his boat. 

So Stephen gets two plates and populates them with the food. As he does he registers Tony tapping the wooden table rhythmically in that wrestless way he has about him. 

His hands listen to him when he wills them not to shake and he manages to present his guest his food without dropping it on his expensive suit. 

"Hey thank you, for everything" Tony says when they're both sat down. Stephen waves it off, a silent assurance that it's no problem, because it isn't. It's nice to have another presence at the table. 

"I am a little concerned though, nothing good ever comes to people who are nice to strangers"

"I could say the same to you, what if I'm an axe murderer" Stephen shoots back as he dishes himself some salad. 

Tony laughs. It's a bright contrast to the too many times he's seen him sad. "As if an axe murderer could murder me"

"Do you have a suit hovering in your vicinity at all times?" He says, looking out the window to his right. It wouldn't surprise him. 

"I'll leave that up to your imagination. We did good" Tony nods approvingly as he chews. 

"Yeah, thanks for the assistance" he can't wait to tell Everett Tony Stark liked his food. For sure he's won the first round of the contest, if he isn't disqualified for having help. 

"I always help a damsel in distress"

"Hmm I don't know, didn't I take you in when you were in distress?" He muses, pressing his fork against his bottom lip.

Tony stares quietly at his plate for a while. "Do you think he went after me?" 

"Does he usually?" 

Again he's quiet for a long moment. "Sometimes"

"What were you arguing about?" 

"I was telling him about my meeting this morning, it was weapon related and Steve doesn't like it when I go near those kinds of affairs" He explains, going back to eating to keep up his casual front. 

Stephen doesn't judge. He works for Shield and Shield loves weapons, ironically. "And you weren't able to reach a resolution?"

"No, since Ultron he's been dismissive of my point of view on things, he's automatically written me off as a source of good judgement" 

Hearing that has Stephen decided. Steve and Tony aren't going to work. He isn't a relationship expert by any means but all he's seen is that they lack the fundamentals needed to be in a good relationship.

"Forgive me for asking but, can you come back from that?" 

Tony's jaw hardens. "I'm determined that we do, and usually when I'm determined about something I get it done"

"But your relationship isn't a task on a to do list" he points out. Really he wants to tell the guy to end it. If they were friends he would.

"How old are you doc?"

"36. Why?" 

"I'm in my mid forties, I'm not in a position to toss him aside and look for someone new"

It's bizarre how he can fluctuate from knowing the privileges of being Tony Stark to completely forgetting them. Being who he is he could pull anyone he wants even if he were 100 years old. 

"Do you need anyone new?" He decides to ask, because that's a more important point. Sometimes people forget they can exist independently. He doesn't know how that feels of course, never having been in a long term relationship.

"I… this is gonna sound stupid but I need a constant person in my life, to remind me I'm worth something"

Stephen's brows fly into his hairline. It takes some serious self esteem issues for someone to feel like that, critical in Tony's case. 

"But Steve is only making you feel worthless" he realises it as he says it. In all honesty if anyone could make Tony Stark feel less than he is it would be Captain America, that doesn't mean he has the right to exercise that power though.

Tony smiles sadly. "You don't know what he's usually like, he looked at me like I was something amazing"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im practically asleep rn


	3. Illusions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He hasn't seen Tony since last week anyway, which could be good or bad. Maybe he and Steve worked things out or maybe they're over and the man has no business on Connecticut Avenue anymore. 
> 
> Apparently his pondering has some kind of fate determining power.

It's cloudy in Washington. It sucks the life out of everything Stephen sees on his way back to the appartement. The spaciousness of the place keeps it feeling fresh though, however the weather. It's such a contrast to the narrow NYC streets.

Once again he climbs the wooden stairs with a grocery bag in hand. This time he and Everett are going to make mac and cheese and he's to do it on his own or he'll 'find him and kill him'.

It's a fair request, Stephen would be suspicious if Stark just happened to help him cook again, It'd be too coincidental to be a coincidence. 

He hasn't seen Tony since last week anyway, which could be good or bad. Maybe he and Steve worked things out or maybe they're over and the man has no business on Connecticut Avenue anymore. 

Apparently his pondering has some kind of fate determining power.

"Hey Doc!" 

He turns and as he suspected it's Tony coming up the stairs behind him. Hand in hand with Rogers.

"Hi how are you?" 

"Excellent. What's on the menu?" He asks, peering into Stephens grocery bag. He's still not used to how comfortably Tony operates around him, as if they're not technically strangers.

"Mac and cheese"

"Nice, remember you want it crispy on the top and a little saucier in the middle"

Rogers looks between them and frowns. "Who's this?" 

"You two haven't met? I can't believe I'm saying this but Steve this is Dr Holmes, your neighbour. Doc this is Steve Rogers" 

"Holmes? Like the character?" He asks, seeming proud that he made such an obvious connection as he extends his hand.

"Like the character" he confirms, swallowing a wince at the firm shake. 

Steve Rogers is big, even as he stands on a lower step it's clear. He makes Tony seem even smaller, more delicate.

"What happened to Katie?" Steve asks when they get to the top of the stairs. Stephen let the two of them lead the way. 

"I believe she was transferred to a different hospital" he says, ensuring he sounds unsure about it. 

"Did you work with her?" He questions as he digs in his pocket for his keys. 

Stephen does the same, but more elegantly. "No I'm a professor" 

"Should I be calling you Prof instead of Doc?" Tony asks. Steve lets go of his hand and steps over to his door to unlock it. 

"I prefer Doc"

Tony nods, and he looks like he's about to turn to his boyfriend but thinks better of it, "You know I didn't catch your name" 

"Loren" he replies, hoping it doesn't sound weird, like it has every other time he's said it out loud.

Tonys quiet for a moment, like he's tasting the word. "Loren… I like it" 

"Nice meeting you Doctor" Steve says. It jarrs the moment, it feels like he yelled the words when he didn't at all. 

Stephen watches as he slips an arm around Tony's waist and sticks his cheek to Tony's temple. They look good together.

"Likewise" he says, trying to mean it. At least he has the fake smile down.

That said, Steve lifts Tony by the waist and carries him into his apartment. The latter squeaks but Stephen catches a wide smile before the door closes behind them. 

If he hadn't spoken to Tony before he'd think they were perfectly happy, a match made in heaven. 

Stephen puts his bags on the kitchen counter and stares at the far wall, wondering that the couples like when there's nobody to see them. 

As it turns out he has a way of finding out. He doesn't debate on it long, it wouldn't hurt anyone and he's done more morally questionable things under Shield. 

He flips the switch hidden behind the thermostat and finds the little case in a kitchen drawer containing wireless earphones specifically purposed to transmit the sounds from the apartment next door. 

The voices coming through sound a little far but he can distinguish them clearly. 

"Yeah I didn't know it was a thing either, but it sounds cool on a man, like a Shakespearean character" Tony's voice comes through, sounding closer with every word. He must be walking nearer to one of the mics planted in the apartment. 

"When did you two meet?" Steve's is still far. 

"We bumped into each other in the hall the other day"

They must be talking about him. He wonders if Tony didn't mention the diner because Steve is a jealous type. 

"So what are you making me for dinner? I'll get hungry if I smell his mac and cheese, provided he doesn't burn it" 

Stephen snorts. He probably will. 

"... toast?" Stephen barely hears the word from Steve's mouth.

Tony's sigh is so exaggerated he can almost see it. "You're a disgrace. Good thing I planned ahead, I'm making chicken and sweet corn soup" 

"I'm glad the word pizza wasn't in there"

"Yeah I'm not in my 20's anymore, I've realised I need to eat like a grown up now"

Stephen smiles as he sits on the couch and takes off his shoes. He relates to Tony's sentiment. 

"It took you two decades but I'm happy to hear it"

"Hey, I'm busy paving the future old man" 

"Don't call me that as if you mean it to be an insult Tony" Steve taunts jokingly, sounding a little less far away.

"Busted. Get your grown ass over here" 

Stephen's about to lie down but he stops, fearing he might be caught listening to something a little too personal. 

"I still don't understand it" Steve says after a moment, his voice coming through at the same volume as Tony's. They must be standing close together.

"You're double my age but look younger than me, it's so screwed up it's hot"

Stephen doesn't really get that either. 

"I worry about you" Steve says, a smile audible I'm his voice. 

"Doesn't everyone?" Tony whispers, sounding light.

"No one more than me" Steve replies quietly. 

There's no talking for a while, and if Stephen concentrates he fears he might hear what sounds like kissing, so he doesn't. He lies back and focuses on the light fixture above him. 

He should probably stop. 

"I love you" Tony's voice pulls him back like a heavy magnet. It lacks any of his rebound embellishment, it's just real. 

"I love you too Tony" Steve sounds like he's smiling, but not as raw as Tony. 

There's a quiet before his reply, "Are you okay?" 

Steve sighs, "Yeah sorry, It's just work" 

"I told you you should just be an artist, professionally" 

Stephen frowns at that. Steve is an artist? 

"That'd be a waste of all the work those scientists, and your dad put into me"

"Yes, you've said. Might I remind you they're all dead now and don't give a shit what you do?" Tony sounds sharp. Stephen doesn't really blame him. 

"Tony"

There's another beat of silence before Tony sighs. "Sorry, what's Fury got you doing now?" 

"Misleading me. I feel like a pet, 'go save the hostages Steve' they say as Natasha downloads information for some secret project"

Steve's more intuitive than Stephen thought. He's always reminded him of a pet, a big dog following orders and rules. 

"I agree they should be honest with you" 

"What if one day they lie to me and I end up doing something morally grey?" He asks like the eventuality might be the end of the world. Stephen was under the impression that part of becoming an adult, and joining their industry particularly, is realising that life can never be black and white.

"Well everything is morally grey, especially when it comes to Shield" Tony says, as if he shares a mind with Stephen.

"They should be held to a higher standard, I don't want to settle for grey" Rogers says, determined in a way only a fool can be. 

"Nothing can meet your expectations Steve" the words are accusatory but Tony says them delicately, sadly even. 

Stephen believes him, because as it seems Tony isn't up to Steve's standards, and if he isn't who could be? 

"You did, in New York, you exceeded them"

Or he's gotten the wrong impression. 

"Hm, maybe I should take Fury's job" Tony jokes. 

Steve laughs, "He'd set the world on fire before letting you do that"

Something about that doesn't sound right to Stephen, the tone in which he's said it, or the way he's laughing maybe. 

"I don't know, he actually likes me you know" Tony replies conversationally.

"After all that happened on the helicarrier?" Steve asks, sounding further away again. 

"Yeah I was surprised too, but Nick's a sensible guy, he knows when to let things go" 

"Well more like strategic, he knows if he's out of favour with you you won't help him when he needs you"

"Or he believes in me?" Tony replies,  
affronted. 

He's right, Fury does believe in him. 

"Are we talking about the same person?" 

And Steve is a stubborn moron. 

"Steve you don't know him" 

"Right, and you do"

Tony's silence speaks. Stephen can picture the two of them glaring eachother down. 

"You were the one that said his secrets have secrets" Steve adds. He was the one being out of line but he's justifying it using Tony. It makes Stephen cringe in disgust. 

"And that's true, but just because a person has secrets doesn't mean everything about them is a lie" 

Stephen's glad to hear that, he's posing as a different person and if Tony ever finds out at least he'll know that the culinary ineptitude is real.

That reminds him he's hungry, so he gets up with a groan and wanders to the kitchen. 

"True, you didn't tell any of us you were making a dangerous robot but that doesn't mean everything about you is a lie" 

Stephen spins around and wishes Steve could see the way he's glaring at the wall. 

He can't tell if the charged silence is on their side or his. 

"Exactly. I'm gonna start on that soup" Tony replies. 

In the next moment of quiet Stephen absorbs the unexpected reply and respects it. Tony had all the grounds to start an argument.

He sounds tired though. That's probably the last thing he wants. 

"Do you want help?" 

Again Tony's delayed in his reply. "Yeah, come beat these eggs"

He sounds so tired.


	4. Unrequited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Where do you think you're going in that cardigan?- Are you okay?" 
> 
> "Are you asking me that because the cardigan is that ugly or because there's blood on my fingers?"

Stephen's hands always ache when it's humid. 

Slicing his palm with a knife is a good way of forgetting the ache. 

He yells out of surprise more than anything and drops the knife and the bagel he was cutting through on the floor.

Bright blood slowly pools in his palm and he goes straight to the sink, letting it drip down the drain as he turns on the tap. The water comes too strong and it just makes it sting more. 

After those series of disasters he manages to get the bleeding under control and presses a washcloth to his palm to think of his next move. 

He doesn't have bandages, or even plasters. 

There is a CVS down the street though, so he grabs his keys and card, slips his feet in sliders and breezes through the door with the washcloth held tight. 

Apparently it's national day of clumsiness because he smacks right into someone.

"Wow, slow and steady wins the race" Tony says, holding his hands up in mock defence.

Despite the grey sky outside he's smiling like a thousand suns. 

"Do you just hang around out here waiting for me to leave my apartment?" Stephen jokes.

Tony's wearing a long tan coat and he pushes his hands into the pockets, smiling like a mischievous child. "Of course, what better things could I possibly have to do?" 

"Well I have to run, if you're still in the hall when I get back I'm calling the police" he says, stepping past Tony. 

"Where do you think you're going in that cardigan?- Are you okay?" 

"Are you asking me that because the cardigan is that ugly or because there's blood on my fingers?" He wonders, having noticed the mess on his hand. 

"Both, mainly the second one" 

"Knife slipped" 

"There's an aid kit in Steve's place, don't go out" Tony gestures for him to follow and retrieves keys with his other hand. 

"Is he in?" 

"No" 

That relieves Stephen more than it should. Really he should be jumping at the opportunity to be near Steve, being the best position to protect him from.

Nothing about the apartment is new to Stephen, he's learned the layout down to a T already. He didn't expect the smell though, it's faint and it takes him back to his youth. Pencil sharpening, that's what it is. 

Tony shews him to the couch and Stephen sits there in wait, unsure if he should relax. 

He gets back with a clear box and sits on the coffee table. He took his coat off at some point so he's just in a black polo and jeans. 

"Where is Steve?" Stephen wonders aloud.

Tony snorts as he pops the kit open, "Probably having a fist fight with his boss"

"Captain America has a boss?" He asks sarcastically. 

"Shocker I know. I keep telling him he should quit, It's not like he needs the money or anything" Tony gently takes his hand and moves the cloth away. It's stopped bleeding mostly. 

"Is he secretly a millionaire?" 

Tony dabs alcohol on cotton, "No but he can get whatever he wants for free if he talks to the right people, and anything he doesn't I pay for" 

"Is he okay with that?" Stephen hisses out as the alcohol stings his palm.

"Course not"

"But… you like paying for things?" He guesses. 

"I like taking care of people and I don't typically appreciate being taken care of" 

"So selfless" he muses jokingly. 

Tony shrugs and rests Stephen's hand on his knee, uncaring that blood might get on his probably expensive jeans. "I dunno, is it selfless if it makes me feel good?" 

"Good point"

Tony goes to wrap his hand and hesitates. "Can I ask you something?" 

"Yeah sure" he's always thought it's a weird question. Sure it's prepared him to be asked something personal, but it could be anything from what sexual fantasies he has to how many times a day that he uses the toilet. It could be something he won't want to answer. 

"What happened to your hands?" 

"I drove off a cliff," when Tony looks alarmed he elaborates, "unintentionally"

"So that's why you're not a surgeon anymore?" 

"Bingo" he sighs. He was such an idiot, thinking he was invisible, more than just a man. 

"You could go back to it, I have this great idea for a new Davinci robot, but it's connected to your mind" Tony explains enthusiastically, quickly bandaging his hand. 

Stephen chuckles. He doesn't doubt that Tony has some great ideas. "Alright Elon Musk"

Tony barks a laugh, "He wishes he could keep up with me" 

"You two rivals?" 

"No he's a friend" Tony's hands are warm and rough as they inspect his.

"Of course he is"

Tony smiles as he puts all the stuff back in the box and clicks it shut. 

"So why are you here?" Stephen asks. 

"Steve and I are stuck, I thought I'd make a gesture to revitalise us, maybe play some sexy music and get naked, I haven't really thought about it" he explains like he's talking about the weather.

Stephen blinks, "Are you two not having sex?" 

"We are but it's 'I have 10 minutes before I have to go to work' sex then angry sex and makeup sex and more angry sex and more rushed. It's lost the magic" 

Stepgens brow shoots up, "Magic? I might need tips" 

He's never been a big believer in 'magic' and romance, he's never experienced it really. It doesn't seem real, a thing of fiction. 

"What do you think?"

Stephen snaps out of his thoughts, "About what?"

"If you were in a stalling relationship what would you do?" 

"End it"

Tony laughs and Stephen feels lighter. "Come on Loren, humour me" 

Tony calling him that makes him want it to be his real name. He wonders what he would sound like calling him Stephen. 

"I would ask myself why that relationship is stalling and attack the route" he says, because that is what he would do. 

Tony looks down at his knees. They ever so slightly brush Stephen's legs. "I don't know I guess I can't satisfy him, in the general sense" 

"And is that your fault?" He knows it's not his fault but unfortunately he can't tell him that. 

Tonys quiet for a moment, "For someone who says they aren't a psychiatrist you're good at sounding like one"

Stephen leans down and manages to catch those rich brown eyes vailed by long lashes. "Hey I'm serious, what if the one that should be trying is him?" 

"He's not really into making gestures" 

"It doesn't have to be one, just an effort to do better"

Tony chews on his bottom lip for a moment that feels more drawn out than it actually is. "Maybe you're right"

"Of course I am. It's like multiplying by zero, the number can be as high as you want but as soon as you bring in that zero it's all obsolete"

Tony grins. "You must be a great teacher" 

Stephen would laugh at that if he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes this is based on a true story. Well, only the beginning, I stabbed myself cutting through a cinnamon bagel.


	5. Grief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony keeps sitting, looking around the room. Luckily Stephen hasn't left anything incriminating out. "You know I forget we've known each other for such a short time"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those sweet souls asking how my hand is, it's good. I it hurt but the bagel was delish. I have a lil scar now.

When Stephens woken at 3am by pounding on his door he figures he'd rather pick up a gun than put on a top. 

Sometimes he worries about how quickly he gravitates to a weapon he used to despise.

So it irritates him when he looks through the peep hole and finds Tony on the other side, smiling and not in any visible danger. He has to run to stash the gun in the nearest drawer. 

"What are you doing?" He says softly after pulling the door open.

His question is somewhat answered by the punch of alcohol he smells when Tony steps inside. 

"Do you have ice cream?" He whispers, like he's trying to be sneaky after the constant pounding he'd been doing. 

"How drunk are you?" He questions, watching Tony head for the kitchen. He seems steady enough. 

"Seven out of ten. Ice cream?" When he opens a cupboard instead of the freezer Stephen decides he's definitely drunk. 

"Go back to Steve's" he says, closing the door and following to the kitchen. There's nothing commanding in his tone so Tony doesn't take the words seriously. 

"But he doesn't have ice cream" he pouts. It's a good pout, cute enough to get Stephen to give up his feeble attempt at getting him out.

"I have yogurt"

At first Tony makes a face, but with some thought it becomes acceptance. "That'll do"

"Does Steve know you're here?" He asks as he takes the yogurt pot out of the fridge.

"Shh he's sleeping" he snatches the pot and takes the lid off to stick a spoon in it. Stephen chooses not to comment. 

"Did something happen?" 

Tony puts the yogurt down so he can sit on the counter but it takes two attempts, he slides off on the first. "I tried to make an effort and he told me to focus on myself, so I'm focusing on myself" 

"I don't think you understood what he meant" Stephen actually agrees with Steve, Tony does need to focus on himself, it's becoming clear he doesn't know how though. 

"I'm not good enough, I need to be better" Tony takes a big mouthful of yogurt and states into the pot like it's a well.

"What if this is all in your head Tony? What if the only person who doesn't think you're good enough is you?"

Steve isn't innocent, Steve can't let Tony's past mistake go. It seems though that Stephens found half the issue in Tony himself. 

Steve's actions are distorted by the unreliable narrator that is Tony's self loathing.

Tony rolls his eyes. "What if pigs could fly?"

Stephen sighs and steps close to him. "Do you want to go back to Steve's or do you want to stay here?"

He's forced to wait as Tony eats more. "I don't want him to know I've been drinking, It makes him pitty me" he says once he's swallowed, like the words are poison. 

"Okay follow me" 

Tony slides off the counter and does as he's asked. He looks younger, more vulnerable in the massive t-shirt he's wearing. It makes Stephen want to hug him and that's an alarming thought. 

Tony giggles when they enter the bedroom. "Loren I am a taken man, what are you planning?" 

"To shut you up hopefully" he mutters, snatching the yogurt back.

"That could still be sexual" 

Stephen sighs irritably and pushes Tony back until his legs hit the bed and he falls to sitting. 

When Tony looks up and raises an amused brow it makes Stephen hot in the face. It would really help him if the man he's looking down at wasn't so attractive. 

He realises he's just been standing for a second or two and puts space between them. "Go to sleep"

Tony keeps sitting, looking around the room. Luckily Stephen hasn't left anything incriminating out. "You know I forget we've known each other for such a short time" 

He almost doesn't reply. "Yeah I do too sometimes"

It seems so normal, when it's not even close. He's an agent on a job under a fake identity and he has Tony Stark on his bed drunk at 3am. It's hard to believe it's actually happening.

Tony kicks off his sliders and slips his legs under the dark red covers. "So if you really are a cannibal kill me before you start cutting me up"

Stephen blinks. "Have you suspected I am one?" 

"A lady never tells" Tony says as he gets comfortable, as if it's his bed. 

Stephen watches him for a long moment, the hero that is really just a man like the rest of them, special or not. "You shouldn't trust me you know"

Tony's sleeping in his apartment and he doesn't even know his real name. 

Tony stares up at the ceiling and looks suddenly sober, "You shouldn't trust me either" 

It's a strange thing to say, Tony seems trustworthy, and he's a good person. Maybe he doesn't believe he's worth trusting. 

Stephen grabs a blanket and pillow and smiles at his guest. "Goodnight Tony" 

He closes his bedroom door behind him and wonders when taking care of Rogers became taking care of Tony. 

Being nice has its drawbacks, like waking up with an obliterated spine. He should have made Tony sleep on the couch, he'd be short enough to fit in it nicely and not with his ankles hanging off like Stephens are. 

With a groan he turns to his side and spots a bright pink object on the coffee table. It's a post-it with writing on it. 

It takes his tired eyes a minute to read;

'Thanks for putting up with me last night, I'm sorry I barged in on you. I don't deserve your patience but I do hope I can call you a friend. 

Promise I'll make it up to you.  
-Tony' 

Stephen smiles at the neat slanted writing and wonders how anyone ever coined Tony as an asshole. 

He's a good guy, Stephen only wishes he knew that.


	6. Needing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Some things are more important than work and I really think I needed this, to remember what it's like to have fun you know?"

For the first time an encounter between he and Tony is voluntary. There's no bumping and no alcohol fueled impulses.

Tony comes over with two tubs of ice cream in his hands.

"I come to repent for my brutish actions"

"You really don't have to" Stephen let's Tony in anyway. 

Truthfully life is pretty uneventful with fake work and a weekly written report outlining how fine Captain America is. Tony is a welcome addition. 

"Too late now, salted caramel or vanilla?" He asks, holding up the two tubs. 

"Caramel"

Tony nods approvingly and heads to the kitchen. "Alright we'll share" 

Stephen's about to offer to eat the vanilla so Tony can have the caramel to himself but it's probably better for their health if they don't end up eating a whole tub of ice cream each. 

Like the savage Tony is he sticks two spoons directly into the tub and strides over to the couch to flop down.

"I had the most annoying morning" he sighs out. 

Stephen sits at the other end of the couch. He's not sure why he's already smiling. "Pray tell" 

Tony takes a spoonful of the ice cream and passes it to him. "I have a project going and one of the parts we ordered hadn't come in. It was really important, my head engineer almost burst into flames, I swear. I had to fly all the way to Japan and back to pick it up from a warehouse" 

"At least you avoided a fire" Stephen says before eating a spoon. He appreciates it's not overly sweet. 

"Well Quentin is just a bomb waiting to explode, If he wasn't so good at his job I would have already fired him. What have you been up to?" 

"Reading" Stephen nods his head at the book on the coffee table. 

"Black Tulip huh? I didn't like it, too draggy" Tony comments, having picked the book up and seen Stephen's near the end. 

"Really? I think it's so intricate"

"Too intricate" Tony grumbles, putting the book back down in favour of the offered ice cream. 

"Monte Cristo is better" Stephen concedes. 

Tony smiles in agreement. "For sure" 

Stephen looks at him and wonders how he can be a hero, invent the future and have time to read books and learn to cook and the many other things he's sure the man's good at. "How do you have time to read?"

"I read so much in my teens, more than I have in the rest of my life"

"You had time in between being a playboy?" Stephen jokes.

"No, that was my twenties, such wonderfully awful years" Tony says, waving his spoon around dramatically.

"Not fun?" Personally he hasn't understood the appeal, but there is one apparently. 

Tony spoons some ice cream in his mouth and twists the spoon in thought. It comes out of his ajar mouth upside down. "At the time, sure. But looking back, is there anything sadder than drinking yourself to oblivion and waking up next to a different what's-their-name every morning?" 

It's all so real Stephen doesn't know what to say, so he blurts out the first thing he thinks of, "The sound of music is pretty sad" 

Tony isn't thrown by Stephens lame sentence, "But so beautif- oh my god let's watch it"

Stephen gives him a flat look and grabs the ice cream. "Tony it's 3 hours long, do you have the time?"

Tony grabs the pot back before Stephen can even get his spoon into it. "I flew to Japan. I deserve a rest" 

"Alright, but don't look at me when… do you answer to anyone?" 

"In life, no. Well, Pepper"

"When Pepper busts in here guns blazing because you missed a UN meeting or something"

"No UN meetings today, I promise" 

Tony actually finds a way to cast the movie into his cheap tv and just as magically as everything else between them has happened they're watching the sound of music.

As it turns out Tony knows all the songs and doesn't hide it, singing out the words with the conviction of the people in the movie. 

Stephen knows the words just as well but he's happy to laugh at Tony like the snob he is. 

Tony insists he join in, and Stephen's grumpy look makes him burst out laughing. The ice cream is liquid by now and a little jumps off the spoon and onto his very nice looking shirt. 

As he watches him wipe the drop with his finger and poke it to his mouth without a care in the world Stephen marvels at the way he lives life. He's an explosion of light.

He shouldn't be surprised that the light eventually warms him, and along with some kicks to the knee it makes him break and join in to sing Edelwisse, the second time Von Trap sings it. 

The sun sets behind Tony but the light tanning the room doesn't make him squint, because he already is. He's squinting because he's grinning, because as awful as life can be it can be so great. Happiness has always seemed difficult to him, but all it takes is a great movie, a great man and music. 

By the end of the song he realises he's been singing the last few lines alone. Tony watches him with a smile so wide it might slide off his face.

"You're a great singer"

"It's my deep sexy voice" Stephen jokes. He's surprised at himself, he doesn't usually say things like that. 

Tony lets out a surprised laugh. "Alright Loren" he looks back at the tv, shaking his head with a smile. 

Loren really is a great name. It's a shame his parents didn't think of it. 

When the movie ends they take a mandatory moment to feel it's greatness before Tony asks him if he's hungry.

"After three hours you still have time to hang around?" 

"Yeah, I… some things are more important than work and I really think I needed this, to remember what it's like to have fun you know?" 

He does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> James Mcavoy moved and now he lives around the corner from me and I don't know how to proceed.


	7. Privacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You could take on Steve Rogers and win"
> 
> "Do you want me dead?" 
> 
> "If it means I win the cooking competition"

The last four days have passed ordinarily, all meshed into one hot mess, in a literal sense. 

As he's walking down his street he takes his blazer off and throws it off over his shoulder. The sun screams over him. 

There's a horribly obnoxious wolf whistle that makes his head spin to the wide road next to him. His outraged look turns surprised when the tinted glass of the Audi near him winds the rest of the way down to reveal Tony's shit eating grin.

"You're unbelievable" it takes a lot for Stephen not to smile. Apparently Tony's colossal idiocy is amusing to him.

Tony cups a hand behind his ear, "What? I'm incredible?" He yells louder than he needs to.

Stephen flips him off and the man's jaw drops exaggerately.

He steps to the edge of the sidewalk so he can talk to him properly. "Where are you going in a car? Aren't they ancient machinery to you?"

"My dear Loren, there is a beauty in driv-" Tony jumps when the Bud Light truck behind him toots it's horn. 

He sticks his hand out the window in apology and easily swerves out of the lane to park on a double yellow line in front of a fruit store. Stephen walks up to the car, wondering why he didn't just continue to wherever he was going. 

"Sorry, where was I?" Tony asks as he steps out of his car. He's wearing slacks, a white Stark Industries polo and gold rimmed sunglasses. 

"The 'I'm a douche and I like to drive my fancy car real fast' part" Stephen says, trying not to chuckle at just how 'Tony Stark' Tony looks in the outfit as he leans on the open door of his white Audi. 

Tony gasps. "It hurts me that you think I'm so shallow" 

Stephen smirks. "Where are you going?"

"Gonna pick up Steve from his run. You?" 

"Coming from work" he replies, pointing in the general direction of Georgetown. 

Tony's brow goes up. "Right, walking. Only snobs walk you know" 

Stephen bursts out laughing at the look on Tony's face. "Awe are you hurt I called you a douche?" He brings a hand up to shield his eyes and really appreciate the stone look Tony shoots over his shades. 

"I'm shaking and crying" 

"You hide it terribly"

"One day I'm gonna come up with a mythic insult and it'll blow you out of the water and into another realm" Tony gestures wide as he explains, as if his words aren't emphatic enough.

"I loved everything you just said, even if it's never gonna happen" 

Tony rests more of his tan arm on the car door to lean closer to him. "Anyone ever told you you're too cocky?"

Stephen smirks. Tony's closeness doesn't make him uncomfortable, if anything it's exciting. How could Tony Stark's attention not be? 

"Almost everyone I know"

Tony swallows a laugh. Stephen sees it in the bob of his throat and the tight but small curl of those lips. "Okay good, I'll see you around yeah?" 

He leans away and it feels like a bubble popping. 

"Of course you will, you're definitely stalking me" of course he isn't, but it's hard to explain just how many times they bump into each other. At his actual appartement he hasn't met most of his neighbours even once. 

"Says the cannibal" Tony shoots back as he dips into the Audi. 

"Careful what you say, I might eat you next" he warns as Tony starts his engine. 

Tony drives away laughing. 

He walks away grinning. 

When Everett calls him that evening he's already laughing through the phone. Stephen frowns and worries for his sanity. "Everett?"

"Please tell me you've seen them"

"Seen what?"

His answer fills Everett with a louder round of laughter for some reason. "The most beautiful set of pictures I have ever seen" he wheezes. 

"Are you on drugs? You'll get fired for that" he moves away from the sink and to the couch. 

"I'm sending them to you now, tell me which one I should use as my home screen"

Stephen switches to loudspeaker and watches as images pop up on his screen one after another. Horror slowly sets in as he realises what he's looking at. 

"I like the one where Stark is looking at you like you like you killed his cat but you're laughing your ass off. Such great duality"

"Oh shit" he breathes, looking at the pictures of him and Tony on the street. He doesn't know which one to maximize first, they're all so much.

He forgot himself. He's supposed to be undercover, low profile. 

He forgot Tony. Tony is as high profile as anyone can get.

He should have been checking for paparazzi the second he laid eyes on him, it's such an obvious thing. Somehow it slipped his mind that Tony's famous. He's a figure, not just a man. 

"And the one where he's leaning in, because honestly you could use some action"

That snaps him back to the conversation. "Everett"

"Sorry, this is terrible I know" 

"They could take me off this job" he murmurs, looking at that picture where Tony's leaning close, a smirk ghosting on his lips. They look like they've known each other for years.

"You sound worried about that"

"Of course I am, this job isn't even work, it's great" it's too good, it's made him forget that he isn't Loren, that he's Agent 177. 

"Nothing is work when you get to stare into Tony Stark's dreamy eyes" Everett sighs out. 

"We're friends, he's taken" Stephen clips, looking at a picture of them where Stephens shielding his eyes and returning Tony's smirk. Tony's warm skin makes him look even paler, the two of them are like hot and cold. 

"You could take on Steve Rogers and win"

"Do you want me dead?" 

"If it means I win the cooking competition"

"Relying on sabotage means you've already lost" 

A call comes up on his phone, from an unlisted number. 

"I'm about to be told off, I'll talk to you later"

He switches the call and prepares himself for whatever comes next. 

"Doctor… you've always been so sheltered" Fury says, a hint of humour in his voice. 

Stephen sighs. "I know, I slipped up" 

"I have a team of people triple checking that your real identity is indecipherable. They have better things they could be doing you know"

"Sorry he caught me by surprise and I didn't think to check for paparazzi" it's not a good excuse. He's known for being reliable and letting something so simple get away from him isn't acceptable. 

"Why are you buddied up with Tony anyway?" 

"We run into each other a lot" it's too simplified of an explanation but he doesn't feel like telling him that they watched Sound of Music together and had dinner twice. He's still trying to wrap his head around it. 

"Don't let this happen again" Fury says, warning but not harsh.

"Yes sir" 

"It's good to see that you get along with him"

Stephen blinks at that, he didn't expect it at all. "He's nothing like I imagined" he admits. 

He expected the Stark buzzwords; genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. While he is three of those things he doesn't radiate them. Stephen's never been made to feel inferior to Tony's intellect and he barely thinks about him being one of the richest people on the planet. He's so down to earth. He would pin him as energetic, snarky, foolish and soft. 

"I know. Be careful"

The line cuts and Stephen frowns at his phone. Be careful of what, of Tony? Of blowing his cover? 

Or be careful with Tony.


	8. Temptation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Tony Stark and mystery man. Business or bedroom partners?'

The next morning Stephen's running back to the appartement to end his jog and something stops him dead in his tracks. The convenience store has a rack of newspapers and magazines at its front and he tends to skim headlines when he passes.

It's a gossip mag that has all his attention though. It's a garish hot pink and on its cover are two big pictures of him and Tony, the one where he's leaning toward Stephen and the one where he's laughing. In huge white letters underneath it reads; 'Tony Stark and mystery man. Business or bedroom partners?' 

It's ridiculous, he snorts at how ridiculous it is. 

There's a woman next to him scanning the rack and she glances at him, then the magazine, then back at him.

He drops the offending thing and escapes. 

When he's climbing the steps to the main door it flies open and Steve barrels out. Stephen has to scoot out of the way to not get smacked down by the sheer force at which he's travelling.

Thankfully he goes unnoticed and gets inside the building as Steve mounts his bike. 

That's not good. 

He skips up the steps and focuses on the music playing in his ears to avoid worrying that he and Tony had another fight. 

His questions answered when Tony also almost bowls him down in his haste to run down the stairs. He calls an apology behind him and continues on his way, sliding down the banister like he's trained in the act and disappearing from view. 

Stephen really thought this job would come without drama. 

Deciding he isn't going to get involved, he continues to the top floor and conceals himself in his apartment, away from blasts and catastrophic relationships. 

It's not his business, so he leans against the kitchen and drinks down water. He only glances at the door once. 

He can't be blamed for looking at it again when there's a knock. 

He could ignore it, he has that choice. But Tony knows he's indoors and of all the times he's let him in he's not going to deny him this time, not when he might really need a shoulder to cry on. 

So he pushes back his hair only for it to flop over and mingle with his brows again, and goes to the door. 

"Hey are you alright?" He's analysing Tony straight away, he doesn't look angry but his shoulders hang low.

"Let me tell you something, never ask the man you're seeing if there's someone else if their name is Steve Rogers" He warns as he walks into the flat.

Stephens brows fly up. "Oh wow you really suspect there is?" Clearly Rogers isn't perfect but he wouldn't expect cheating from him. 

Tony sits heavily on the couch arm and drags a hand down his face. "Not really, I just was running out of solutions so I thought maybe I was focusing on the wrong problem"

Stephen plucks at his t-shirt to cool himself down. He'd do better if he'd had a chance to shower. "What did he say?" 

"He was furious I thought so little of him. Ironic right?" He huffs, letting himself fall backward into the couch. 

"That'd piss me off too to be honest" Stephen admits, as someone who disbelieves in cheating it'd be a punch to his pride if he were accused of it. 

"But if someone you truly loved asked would you storm out and flee on your motorbike?" 

Stephen huffs a laugh. "Don't ask me about love" 

Tony leans up and shows him a wide eyed expression. "Really Loren? You've never been in love? What about like?" 

"Yeah I've been in like" he felt that way about Christine, and there was a guy in highschool but nothing ever came of it. It's been a long time since somebody has captured his attention and made his heart warm. 

"Okay good. Anyway, what do I do to fix this?"

Stephen leans on the back of the couch and looks down at Tony. "Wait for him to cool off and calmly explain why you asked"

"Alright. Can I wait with you? You're not busy are you?" He asks, eyes shiny and pleading. Stephen didn't know brown eyes could be so bright, before he met Tony. 

He smiles down at him. "No not really"

The smile freezes on his face when he realises what's happened to him. 

He fell into a trap. Tony breezed into his life and with a simple display of his pain, passion and laughter he trapped him. 

He likes Tony. Tony captures all of his attention and makes his chest warm. He likes him. 

"Fuck" 

Those long dark lashes blink twice. "What?" 

"Nothing I- I just realised I forgot to buy toilet paper" he lies, scrambling at a plan.

What is he supposed to do? Tony's taken and he's working, nothing about it is appropriate. 

Tony laughs. "Are you out?" 

"Not yet, I'll live until tomorrow" 

He sighs and presses a hand to his chest dramatically. "What a relief" 

Nothing. He'll do nothing. All he has to do is continue acting the same and soon enough he won't be seeing Tony any more. 

Right. This isn't his life. Loren doesn't exist. When Shield decides they'll pull him out and he might never see Tony again.

It's like swallowing a rock.

"What do you wanna do then?" 

They don't come up with any ideas immediately so Stephen drops the needle on Al Green and the two of them just talk for a while.

Acting normal is difficult even for him. It's so hard not to just stop talking and stare at Tony. He's animated and expressive and unfairly good looking, it's a struggle to just sit back and have a casual conversation with that next to him. 

"I'm really sorry about that, I usually spot paps" Tony says when Stephen mentions the gossip magazine he saw earlier. 

"What's done is done I guess" 

Tony scratches his beard for a moment, "I really do look like a douche in those pictures don't I?"

"It's the white polo, only duches wear those"

"Okay, noted…" Tony drops his cheek onto the couch back and stares cryptically at nothing. 

"Tony?" 

He blinks, seeming to return to the moment but not moving his eyes. "Steve saw them and didn't have anything to say. Is that good or bad?"

"Why would it be bad?" If he threw a fit that would just be jealous, overly so. 

Tony's eyes skirt to his. Having his attention makes the world shrink to a tunnel. "I don't know, if I were your boyfriend and I inexplicably got photographed with Steve wouldn't you at least have a question about that?"

"Well yeah" then again, if Tony were his boyfriend he'd be too busy wondering how the hell he'd managed that to worry about absolutely anything else.

Tony's quiet for a long moment. "I don't think he loves me anymore" 

The soft words smash and reverberate. Stephen just listens to the ringing silence, his breath held. He should have expected it but the words still pinch. 

"You could ask him about that too" he suggests with a similar softness. The revelation may benefit his newly found situation but that won't stop him from feeling for Tony. He looks so defeated. 

"When I started dating Pepper I thought she was it, but she wasn't. There was a time I thought Steve was it too."

"Again, don't take my word for it, but isn't that how love works?" 

Tony looks away for a moment, then right back at him. "Yeah. Should I give up?" 

"Do you want to?" 

If Steve doesn't love Tony and Tony gives up that's it. The relationship is dead. It makes Stephen's stomach turn in a hard to describe way. 

Tony sits straight in a sudden movement. "I know I can be better, I just have to-" 

"No, you don't. I'm tired of you thinking everything's on you. If he doesn't love you it's his business and you can't force him to" Stehen snaps. And he doesn't feel bad about it. 

Tony stares at him, a little wide eyed. Then he drops his face back on the couch. "It hurts" 

"I believe you" he's seen with his two eyes how much Tony's suffered.

"I don't want to die single and childless Loren" he huffs. 

Stehen chuckles. "I don't think you will"

Tony has too many redeemable qualities to be overlooked, not including the fame, fat bank account and the fact that he's Iron Man. Stephen fails to understand how the guy doesn't have a head the size of a blimp with just how many redeemable qualities he has. 

Tony's looking at him thoughtfully. He brings his brows together and reaches over to push Stephens hair back. 

Stephens very still, barely daring to breathe under the gentle pressure of a hand on his head, Tony's hand. 

"You have a big forehead" 

Stephen almost chokes when laughter punches out of him. "Wow thanks so much" he ducks his head to hide his offending forehead and laughs at his lap. 

Tony breaks into laughter too, and his hands warm Stephen when they tilt his head back up. "I was supposed to say your hair looks better like this" he insists, brushing his hair back down over his forehead

Stephen nearly chokes once more. "In that case you completely missed your mark"

Tony's apology comes out in a laugh. His hands slip down to Stephens shoulders as he tilts forward and wheezes out the end of his amusement. 

Stephens certainly not laughing anymore. Tony's hands are like hot stones seeping into his skin and the two of them are so close together. Tony's knee is pushing at his thigh. 

When he looks up from their legs Tony's already staring at him, all humour also gone from his expression. 

For a heart wrenching moment Stephen thinks Tony might be pondering the same thing he is, what it'd feel like to kiss him. 

His heart tears a hole in his chest and falls out when Tony leans in. 

When he presses his rough fingers to Stephens lips the empty slot between his ribs aches. 

Tony regards his own fingers with a soft smile on his lips, and when he looks up at him those eyes are chocolate melting in the sun. 

"I should talk to Steve" he murmurs. 

Unable to speak, Stephen only nods. Even if this was an impulse with nothing behind it Steve and Tony are broken glass. As much as you put it back together it'll still be cracked through.

He feels awful, hoping to have Tony once he's no longer with Steve. He wants him to heal and find the power in himself he fails to see, not move on to another man as hopeless as he is. 

As fabricated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like how I wrote this chapter. *places medal on self*


	9. Mask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I've been assigned to protect you"
> 
> "On who's orders?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fanks for all the medals guys! My neck may snap but that's just suffering from success

The director is in Rogers' appartement and apparently Shield is in trouble. 

So Stephen is cleaning the kitchen, with a gun in his waistband, ready to act in case of a distress signal. 

He wasn't told what exactly is going on with Shield but it isn't consuming him, he's eternally grateful for the help they've given him and he knows whatever it is they'll get through it. 

The distress call rings out, but not as an alarm, as gunshots. 

Stephen drops his sponge and sprints to the door, busting through it and preparing his gun to enter Steve's appartement. The door is locked and it takes two hard shoulder slams to get it to burst open.

"Captain Rogers!" 

It's fairly dark but a lamp guides him toward the bookcases. He has his gun held up and ready. 

"Captain?" He calls again. He spots Steve through the gaps in the shelves. He's holding his shield. 

"I'm Agent 177, Shield special service" he says in hopes it'll reassure him. 

"Dr Holmes?" 

"I've been assigned to protect you" As there's no sign of a fight he lowers the gun.

"On who's orders?" 

He breezes past Steve and his air clogs when he sees Fury on the floor. "His"

He drops next to him and checks for a pulse. It's there, barely. Already wearing his earpiece, he taps it, "Foxtrot is down, he's unresponsive, I need EMT"

"Do we have a 20 on the shooter?" The respondent asks. Stephen relays the question to Steve.

"Tell them I'm in pursuit"

In a burst of glass Steve smashes through his window. 

Stephen has no time to dwell, he needs to keep Fury alive. 

It's too long, to wait for the emergency services, to stand next to Maria Hill and watch doctors frantically try to save him. 

It's not enough. Stephen has to watch Natasha Romanhoff close his eyes as he lies dead on a metal table and it makes him ache until he's desperate to leave his own body. 

He was there, he could have saved him. If he was quicker, if he put enough pressure on the wounds, Fury could be on a real bed with beeping machines at his sides.

Natasha walks out and Steve follows her. Stephen stands once again next to Hill and watches as two people come in to take him away. 

He's gone forever. 

The door flies open and Tony fills the room. He ignores the two medical professionals and runs to Fury's side. 

There's nothing dramatic, he doesn't demand answers or cry over his body. He just stands there and looks at the man. 

He touches his fingers to Fury's shoulder before he steps back and allows him to be wheeled out. 

"I'm sorry" Stephen whispers only loud enough for Maria to hear. They're not close, but he knows her enough to know she's one of the best agents in all of shield, an iron wall. Fury trusted her.

"You didn't shoot him" she replies brokenly, before disappearing through the door. 

Tony who's been staring at a point on the clean floor turns around and meets his eye. 

"Loren?" 

He should say it, that he's Stephen Strange. But they're both too struck to deal with that, so he walks out too.

The very next morning he's taken off the job, ordered to pack up and get to Shield HQ.

He'd like to tell himself he's dragging out leaving for a logical reason, but it's truly that he likes Lorens life. He likes being a regular man living in a great area and teaching Neuroscience at a good university. He likes that Loren knows Tony, and that Tony likes Loren to some capacity. 

Stephen zips up his bag and curses at himself relentlessly.

He's so stupid, falling for a guy he might never see again, a guy that may like Loren but doesn't know Stephen. 

He takes one look at the appartement, to absorb all it's memories, and strides to the door. 

It's over. 

He steps out just as Tony emerges from the stairs. 

His hand feels stuck to the door handle and his tongue feels stuck in his mouth. 

"What was that yesterday?" When he opens his mouth to reply Tony speaks again, "Where are you going?"

He's everything. He's beautiful and sharp, lost and secure, strong and fragile.

It makes his words all the harder to say. "I'm not Loren Holmes, I'm Dr Stephen Strange and... I'm a Shield operative" 

Tony only stares. 

"I was sent here to keep an eye on Rogers. Now I'm being moved back to HQ"

"So… you're not real? The man I got to know was a cover identity?" Tony asks, impressively calm, like Stephen hasn't sold him a lie. 

He almost says yes. Almost. Instead he realises the truth and speaks it, "Tony I… my name and my job was fake but I really was a surgeon, and my favourite book as a kid was Wind in the Willows. I really love music and want to lean how to cook" 

"And what about me? Were your orders to get close to me?" 

"No, not at all, the opposite"

He nods. "Okay"

Stephen almost chokes when Tony turns his back to him. 

"Tony I don't want this to be the last time I see you"

He twists around and gives him a long unreadable look. "I'll call you if I want to give you that" 

"You don't have my number" 

"Is your name really Stephen Strange?"

"Really"

"In that case I'll get your number if I want it. I hope you liked D.C." 

The sound of sneakers on wooden stairs make his ears ring and his heart bleed.


	10. Fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three weeks and two days have passed since he left D.C., since he last saw Tony.

Three weeks and two days have passed since he left D.C., since he last saw Tony.

Admittedly until yesterday he hadn't had much time to think about him, being taken over by Hydra can really occupy a person. But it's over, project insight was shut down and Shield will have to rebuild.

He plans to be part of that, as soon as he's done being under investigation. He's okay with it, everyone is and it's the right thing to do after such a deep rooted disease grew in the agency. 

It does mean though that he's not working, and if he's not thinking about Tony in his new downtime he's thinking about how alone he is. 

Stephen sits on a bench in central park and sips on his green tea watching ducks cross the lake in front of him. They glide so easily. He feels like he's gliding too, but in a numb way. He's just existing, with nothing to slow the unstoppable force of time and make a meaningful memory. 

As soon as he's back at work he's going to get Tony's number from the database. He made time slow, he built a home in Stephen's mind. He has to fight for that.

Two people nearby come to a stop at the railing of the lake, both in dark tracksuits. Stephen’s drawn to the man, his gestures as he speaks, the way he keeps his shoulders back, the black and orange sneakers.

"Tony?" 

The man turns around and it really is him. 

Tony stares at him like it's been three years not three weeks. It feels like it's been years. 

"Who are you?" The woman with him asks. She looks like the CEO of Stark Industries.

Tony snaps back to the moment, "Pepper this is Lor- Stephen. Strange." 

"I have- sorry I have to take this" she picks up her wringing cell and paces away to speak into it. 

Tony doesn’t move immediately, it's a few long, silent seconds before he wanders to the bench and settles beside him. "It's good to see you're in one piece, after what's happened"

"How are you?” he asks, captured in those bright eyes he hasn’t seen in so long.

“Good. The Steve problem really was a thorn in my side, I feel better having it out” Tony sighs, looking out to the still water. 

The two ducks he saw are still swimming side by side, like partners. It makes him smile. “I can’t believe the forces of nature really brought us together again”

Tony humms, and scratches his beard with a frown. “Yeah it's concerning” 

“I’m pretty happy about it” Stephen admits, and a grin he doesn’t want to swallow grows on him. Maybe he’s about to be told he could never be trusted, that he’s a liar and Tony wants nothing to do with him. But they’re together, and that’s enough to make him happy. 

Tony raises a brow at him. He smiles wider. He’s missed those big eyes and that architectural goatee so much. 

“What? I was serious, I didn’t want that last time to be the actual last I saw you”

Tony finally smiles. “You’d be happy to know I was planning to get into contact with you”

“Really?” After so long he thought he would have to beg for a chance, and was very prepared to. 

He nods, “Well I was hesitant, but I spoke to Hill about you and she said you’re worth a chance”

“Oh my god I could kiss her” 

“I was going to ask you if you wanted to get dinner sometime but if you’re going to start a thing with Maria maybe-”

“No. No, dinner, yes” He almost spills his tea in his haste. 

Tony laughs, slapping a hand on his chest with the force of it. “Okay, I was thinking we go to this really exclusive place, called Stephens apartment”

Stephen frowns, he’s not sure why Tony would want to eat at his when he could dine at any restaurant he wanted. “Really?”

“It’s the least you owe me for your deception, plus I want to see what your cookings like without help”

He chuckles, his skills have improved a little. “Alright I accept your challenge” If he’s honest he wouldn’t call his cooking good enough for the likes of Tony but he knows it’d be good fun, it’s always fun with him. 

“Just don’t put me on the ingredient list”

Stephen laughs and slaps his arm, “Tony will you stop that?” One day someone will believe him. 

Tony laughs and replies with a kiss. 

As it turns out, four years later, at their wedding, Tony vows not to be mad if Stephen cooks him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thats it! Thank you for reading, I enjoyed your comments as always x
> 
> I'll give you a few days to chill and get to posting my next fic (yes the start of quarantine turned me into a writing machine)
> 
> See you soon !!

**Author's Note:**

> Like this? Check out my other works!
> 
> Tumblr(for notifs or to just chat): wifeofstark


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